Your insincerity troubles my mind

Your inner beauty is too hard to find

The attitude you show turns me away

All your life is only one big display

blarg.

The Walk.

misguided ghosts.

Do you ever listen to a song and think "WOW, this is me, this is what I feel like." But its almost like it has a secret meaning just for you.. and others won't really be able to figure it out.. well here is a song that seems to be for me.

{Verse 1}
I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes

{Chorus}
And run
From them, from them
With no direction
We'll run from them, from them
With no conviction

'Cause I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me

And we just go in circles

{Verse 2}
Well Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify,
Of broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

{Chorus}
And run
To them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
But I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me

They echo me in circles

Misguided Ghosts - Paramore.
Listen to the song sometime, the guitar is absolutely fantabulous!

Mere creativity
portrayed with negativity
the mind in captivity.
Declaring a need
to be freed
before I bleed.
Turn it brighter
not dim, lighter
breath into the writer.
Creativity should ring
life it has to bring
to make you want to sing.
Negative connotation
a mere creation
without solid foundation.

Works of art are to scream
of beauty, or a dream
maybe pain extreme.
But it speaks to your heart
to the whole, not just part
and that.. is what we call art.

bring me there.

Tell me, tell me.
What are you feeling?
Your face is hard
your eyes, uncaring.
Its like you're made of stone.

Tell me, show me.
The life you have
Your heart is soft
your eyes hold back tears.
I know you're not happy.

Bring me into
this life you have
share this burden
lighten your load
release the pain

Tell me tell me
what are you feeling?
let me come inside
your face shows no emotion
but soon enough
you'll burst.
bb

*gasp*

This blog is rather lacking in posts. I'll have to update it sometime soon! Stay tuned!!

Finding Faith

*edited February 8 at 10:50am*

I need some fresh air I thought as I glanced down at my watch. 9:58. This whole scene, the flirty girls, the drinks, everything; it all made me uncomfortable. I had to get outside, even if only for a couple minutes. I looked up from my shoes to locate an exit. I started walking and shuffled between huddles of girls and guys. They were so cliché, it almost made me sick. All the girls had globs of dark makeup around their eyes, skin tight low shirts, and shorts almost short enough to be belts or skinny jeans that seemed to be spray-painted onto their legs. Most of the girls had fake blond pin straight hair. Guys and girls alike could be seen with plastic red cups or bottles of beer. Some were getting a bit loud, which meant that they probably had too much already. I shook my head trying to drown out the noise.
Me? Well, minimum makeup was more my style. I didn't really see any reason to slop it on, it made me look worse, not better. I was wearing my Converse sneakers and faded jeans. Sure they were skinny jeans, but they weren't skin tight. On top I wore a simple black tee with a white Burton logo displayed across the front. It was probably a size or two too big, but it was comfortable. My hair was a natural dark brown with a slight curl, which I thought looked pretty good sometimes.
As I passed a small group of people, two of them being Danni and Alyssa, the girls who brought me here, Danni stopped, smiled at me and handed me a plastic red cup.
"Hey Faith, where you goin'? Have a little something to drink." I peered inside and saw what looked to be an orange cooler. The three girls and one guy all looked at me expectantly. They must have noticed I hadn't drunken anything like all the rest that night and I wasn't getting tipsy. I smiled at them, politely refused the drink and continued on my way to the door. On the counter beside the door there were some cans of pop. I picked out a Sprite and opened it, heading out.
Once outside, I was alone. With the door closed behind me the loud chatter, high giggles, and background music evaporated into the night. There weren't enough people there to make it super loud, but it grated on me all the same. I closed my eyes and breathed in the cool night air and listened to the night sounds around me. Crickets could be heard from the field, a lone owl was somewhere in the distance, and every so often I'd hear a car crawling by on the gravel road.
I took a long swig of my Sprite then checked my watch for the sixth time that night. Its only 10:04. I've only been here for an hour; this is supposed to be fun, not some stupid obligation. But in truth, it felt more like an obligation then anything else. I definitely wasn't into the party scene. Sure, it wasn't a wild party with a hundred people and music so loud you can't hear yourself think and everybody pressed together, but still, this wasn't my scene. I still felt a strange obligation though. I had just moved to the area and those two girls from my class invited me. I didn't think it was going be like this though. I remembered their words earlier when they'd told me that they wanted to hang out. They said they'd pick me up at seven, we'd hang out at Danni’s place for a while, get ready and then we'd come here to watch a movie with just a couple other people. There were only supposed to be five of us, not twenty-five. "Come on Faith, it'll be fun. You can just stay at my place that night. I thought you wanted to make friends?" It was hard making friends as it was. It smelled kind of fishy though, you could always tell when Danni and Alyssa were hiding something, like they knew this was gonna happen. And this was definitely one of those times. But for the sake of making friends, even girls like them, I decided I'd take the chance and go with them.
I checked my watch again and sighed when the numbers glowed 10:08. I leaned on the rail and put my chin in my hands.
I heard the door open and close behind me. By the sound of the shoes it wasn't Danni or Alyssa. I turned around to see who it was and saw a guy from my school I'd never talked to before. I'd seen him, but we didn't share any classes together as he was grade 12 and I was grade 11.
"Enjoying the night air?" He was beside me now and peering down at me with soft brown eyes. He had brown hair and his face was slightly tan. He grasped the rail with large hands that looked calloused from work. He was wearing a simple white tee with blue jeans and worn out shoes. I didn't realize I expected him to be tipsy or drunk till I realized that I was surprised that he wasn't.
"Yeah..." I didn't really know this guy too well, just what I saw of him at school, so I didn't try to keep up a conversation. He just stood there in silence, gazing out into the night as I had been. It became sort of a companionable silence. I felt a connection to him. Maybe it was because of the fact that he didn't fit the stereotype of the guys back in the house just like I hadn't fit in with the other girls. Maybe it was because of the fact that he seemed to dislike the whole party scene just as much as I did, and maybe it was something else. I couldn't quite put my finger on it.
I checked my watch again. 10:13.
"What time?" I looked at him quickly when he spoke. For some reason the intrusion into the silence had surprised me.
"Oh, it’s almost quarter after ten." I lowered my eyes to my now half empty can of sprite so that our gaze wouldn't meet again.
"Only?" He joked. "By the way, my name's Chase." Out of the corner of my eye I could see him turn towards me and hold out his hand. I looked at him then put my hand in his and shook it.
"I'm Faith. Nice to meet you Chase." I attempted a smile without seeming to be shy, which is what I felt at that moment. I had to admit it to myself, Chase was pretty cute.
"So you as bummed about this party as I am?" He looked hopeful.
"Yeah, I wasn't really expecting it. I was told it was just gonna be a couple people watching a movie. I think I might call my mom to come pick me up soon, I don't think I'm gonna be staying here much longer." I leaned my elbows on the railing again and Chase followed suit beside me.
"I was told the same thing. I think that it was a last minute party, a couple girls and guys invited an extra twenty people, and Tim didn't say no to having so many extra people come over. And his parents let him do whatever he wants." He said with a disapproving shrug, and then there was silence once again.
I could hear the laughter inside get a bit louder. It was times like these I wish I had a cell phone, it would be so easy to just call my mom, have her pick me up. She'd understand.
"Do you have a cell phone I could borrow for a minute?" I broke the silence and looked up at Chase expectantly.
Without answering he pulled a cell phone from his pocket and handed it to me, smiling. I murmured thanks and flipped it open to dial home. I heard the phone ring once. Twice. Right after the third ring I heard a voice on the other end.
"Hello?" It was my older brother James. He was just two years older then me, and I adored him.
"James! Hey, can you get mom on the phone real quick for me?" I heard muffled voices on the other end as he handed the phone over.
"Hello? Faith, what’s the matter?" My moms' voice sounded worried.
"Hey mom, I'm at Tim's house with Danni and Alyssa like I said I was gonna be, but there are alot of people here. They're drinking and stuff and I'm not comfortable, can you come pick me up?"
"Sure, I'll be there in about ten minutes, ok hun?" I looked at my watch. 10:21.
"Ok."
"And Faith?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks for calling. I'm glad you called. I love you and see you soon." I could almost hear her smile, if it was even possible to hear a smile.
"I love you too mom." I flipped the cell closed and handed it back to Chase.
"Faith?" I turned my blue eyes on Chase as he spoke, "I just want to say... for the past three weeks, since you started school, I've really admired you. I've noticed how you're different. You're not afraid to be yourself. When you're surrounded by girls who all are in some sort of unspoken contest to see who can wear the tightest clothes or wear the most makeup, you wear what you like, and not what others want. You try to fit in with everyone, but you don't compromise who you are to do that. Like right now, you came to hang out with some girls, but it ended up being a party and you're not drinking when they offer you drinks, and you're not even staying. I totally admire that." He looked slightly nervous as he spoke, and it came out in almost a rush. Like he had wanted to say it for a while.
I quickly realized my mouth was gaping open. I quickly shut it and smiled instead.
"If you don't mind, do you want to maybe hang out sometime? I'd like to get to know you better."
At that point my heart was doing some crazy flips and for a bit I didn't really know what to say. Then I quietly said, "I'd like that very much."
We began to talk, just some small talk about school and a bit about our families, but it was good. It felt refreshing to talk to him. Time passed more quickly then it had all evening. When I heard a car pull up to the house I looked from the red Hyundai to my watch in almost disbelief. 10:32. Already?
I turned to Chase to say goodbye and he held out his hand. I shook his hand gently as he said "I'm glad I met you Faith. I'll see you on Monday at school right?"
I smiled and nodded my head. "G'bye, see you Monday!" I flashed him a smile then darted for the car waiting in the driveway.


I watched Faith as she half ran towards the waiting car. Right before she sat down she looked over at me to smile and wave another goodbye. Her smile was gorgeous. I grabbed my cell phone from my pocket and flipped it open. 10:34.
There wasn't much point in staying anymore. Faith had left, and everyone else inside didn't think of much else then the alcohol and self-centered fun that was only for their own gain. I turned to the house, the only reason I was going in was to grab my keys from the table where I left them. I closed the door behind me then walked to the table, which happened to be in the middle of the room. I grabbed my keys then just stood there for a couple minutes, taking it all in. I shook my head slightly and made my way outside again.
I was now driving down the gravel road in my old Honda, Faith's big warm smile and her bright blue eyes in my head. She was beautiful, unique, and simply amazing! I hardly noticed the two cars till I was almost at them. In horror I pulled off to the side of the road and fumbled at the door of my car. Once out, I ran towards the cars and at the same time I was dialling 9-1-1.
The red Hyundai was there. A faded old green car had T-boned the red car... on the passenger side.
"Hello, 9-1-1 what's your emergency?"
"Please! Help! There's been an accident!

I watched Faith's immediate family walk down the center aisle of the church then they all sat in the front row. Her mother's face had a couple bruises and scratches in it, and her right arm was in a cast. Her eyes were red and puffy as well. I could tell she was Faith's mom though. They had the same color hair, and same blue eyes. Then there was her father, it looked as though his face was made of stone. If it wasn't for the rim of red around his eyes I would have thought he had no emotion. He had the same chin as Faith. And what looked to be her older brother sat beside Faith's father. He had to be James. Faith had mentioned him in that brief time we had to talk. Except for the fact that he was older, they could have been twins.
I clenched my jaw and tried to make my face void of emotion as sorrow filled me.
Ironic isn't it? I thought. She chooses to be different then the crowd, to not drink... but she's dead because someone else chose to be stupid. Just like that. It happened so suddenly. I had no idea the night that I finally found her, I would also lose her.

Thoughts Determined.

As I race
my mind is engulfed
in the separation
of time.

Like cherry's
you fall to the ground
persuasiveness entangles
the limits

seven times
you reach out and go back
to the complacency
of a former life

As I sing
my thoughts are determined
by the rationality
of existence

Like the past
you try to resuscitate
after drowning
in memory

thrice again
you haunt my existence
in the classification
of tomorrow.

Ramblings.

In darkness
its silent.
You're all alone.

Does the darkness really devour?
The coals before you glow
with a small flicker here and there.
The stars in the heaven
shine with brightness
a myriad of lights.

Is it really noiseless?
Can it be so void as to have no sound?
A slight rustle
as the wind catches the grass
just slightly.
A small crackle from the coals
every now and then
making its presence known.

So alone?
Yet look around you
and be reminded
of who's right there.
Beside you.
The Creator
Who you talk to
in prayer.


For lack of anything better to do and because my blog needs some updating.. here's something I kinda wrote off the top of my head. Enjoy! (if possible :P)

A prayer for the unborn.

The one who has no voice
the one without a choice

They never get to know a full life
all they get to feel is the knife.
To never see the light of day
for those souls, I now pray.

They really are alive
they're growing, they thrive
God made them all
no matter how small

How can a mother feel the baby inside
and yet be too full of pride
to admit they feel a life
and so they use a knife

Gods time.

All in Gods time.
I tell myself again
and again.
But insecurity creeps inside
whispering thoughts in my ear
telling me things I don't want to hear.
All in Gods time.
I tell myself again
and again.
Will these thoughts ever leave me?
Will I ever stop wanting,
wanting to take it all in my own hands.
It will come,
I have a promise.
My life has been planned for me
before time began
before the foundations of earth were layed.
All in Gods time.
I tell myself again
and again.
Do I really believe it?
Lord, help me always believe it.

memories, once again.

Long ago and forgotten.
Memories settled in dust
once again.
Like an old guitar
worn out with old strings.

Blow the dust off the top
make the old look new,
once again.
Replace the strings
strum the chords
once again.
Hear the music that wants to be heard
lift your voice and sing
once again.

Clear notes ringing.
You've heard it before.
Something in the back of your mind
remembers.
Like a picture frozen in time
distant, dim.
But its there.
Such a sweet sound
resounding in the darkness
ringing
to even the abandoned corners of your mind.
Clearing the dust from your thoughts,
making you remember
once again.

The Call *By Regina Spektor*

It started out as a feeling
which then grew into a hope
which then turned into a quiet thought
which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry.
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye.

Just because everything's changing
doesn't mean it's never
been this way before.
All you can do is try to know
who your friends are
as you head off to the war.
Pick a star on the dark horizon
and follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say goodbye.
You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning.
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet.
But just because they can't feel it too
doesn't mean that you have to forget.
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye.
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say goodbye.

Time After Time.

Moving so quickly,
dragging so slowly.
Time after time
happening again.
Waiting
wishing.
Sunshine brings contentment
but the clouds come.
Trying to be content,
always.
But the dark times
making it hard.
Time goes on
not stopping for me.
When my life shatters
the world keeps turning.
Time after time.
There's more than me.
The night comes
after day.
Moving so quickly,
dragging so slowly.
Time after time

And now today is something different. Today is like a whirlwind of emotions, sweeping up bits and pieces and scattering them everywhere. But nobody can see the whirlwind, for it seems everyone is on a totally different planet.
Today is mass confusion. Like a giant crowd of people, all shout different things. They even change what they shout. Nothing is coherent anymore, its just noise that threatens to deafen.
Today is like a roller coaster ride, up, down, and around. Except your eyes are closed, and after being thrown up and down for so long you don't even know where you are, what is even up, what is down.
Today is like having a heavy heart. Not just the small sadness, but it physically is heavy. Its like a weight pushing inside. Today is like being on the verge of tears, but not really knowing why.
Today is like asking questions, but not knowing if you really want the answers. Or even what questions to ask.
This is today.

I've never heard before.

Falling Forever.

This is something I wrote a while back and found it in an old(ish) notebook. (Depends on your view of old ;) )

Anthology: Whispers on the Wind

I know I've posted a version of this poem before, but this time I'm posting it again with the news that its going to be published in "Anthology: Whispers on the Wind". I entered it in a contest a couple months ago. (I pretty much picked at random a poem from my blog here to enter into the contest and came with this one.)

"Mismatched Beauty"

This strange beauty,
Creates serenity.
Like memories hidden
that come up unbidden.
Taking small pleasure
to a certain measure.
Colors mixed
strangely fixed.
Like music combined
that shouldn't sound kind
creates in me peace
without cease.

Wide open spaces
beauty with graces.
The feeling of being alive
to jump for joy, to thrive.
Crystal clear nights
staring into the heights.
The stars shining in vast wonder
always making me ponder.
The hush doesn't last long
when you hear the nature throng.
Small noises everywhere
symphonies made with care.

Today is like...

Its hard figuring out what today is like. Today is kind of like a stone vase, which looks the same today, as it did yesterday, except for the fact that there's more inside. No one can see how much is inside it, unless they take the time to look into it, which none do. If they looked they might see how close to overflowing it is, maybe they'd help, maybe they'd take some water out to spare it from breaking.
Today is like wanting chocolate, just to make it better.
Today is also sort of like waiting. Like standing on the side of the road waiting for a friend to pick you up, except you don't know what time they're coming, or what they're driving, or even what friend it is that is coming. Your dad made the plans for you, and its a surprise, one he knows you'll love. And you wait there, but you're waiting unhappily. You see a car coming and you begin to think that it might be the one, but its not the right person, the car keeps on going past. You end up becoming despondent because of it. And today is like you're still there waiting. And one of your closest friends in a nice car just drove on past. Maybe they'll be back, but it doesn't look like they're turning around.
Today is also like walking in the rain. Oddly you're still happy, but just not as much. It has been raining for a while, but it has only just soaked into all your layers. But you can also see the house you've been walking to, and you know soon you'll be dry.
Today is like a blender inside my brain. Mixing the good memories and the bad. Except there aren't really any that are bad.
Today is like being joyful, and depressed at the same time.
Today is like being thankful for a brand new week, something new, fresh, good. But today is also like feeling let down that the weekend is so far away, and with it friends.
And yet.. I still don't know what today is like.

His Truth, His Light.

Unhappy man is he.
Cowering in deceit.
But how can he see the light
when he covers his eyes?
He says "This is light enough for me-
Its my own reality."
When really deep inside
all he wants to do is hide.
'Just take a look'
I want to say
because I know
he won't be the same.
Once the light
is in your sight
you're forever changed.

I look to my own life
and how I was before.
The Truth opened my eyes
It wasn't anything I did
that saved my sinful soul.
Darkness reigned inside
till the Holy Spirit shone light.
It penetrated the deepest recessed of my soul.
It held up a mirror
not of the world
but of the Truth
showing me how wretched I am.
But showing me His mercy.
His Truth.

I Stand In Awe

The silent shivers
in the early morning air.
Sitting huddled on a bench
and hard wood beneath my feet.
The morning is peaceful
as the birds chatter all around.
The mist rises off the lake
making the scene before me beautiful.
I bow my head in prayer
and words echo in my head of thankfulness.
My heart swells with joy
as the sun peaks over the tree's.
A reflection on the lake making it brighter
making it picture perfect.
Everything is beautiful.
Everything is awesome.

...

The slow chatter around me droned in my ears like all the other times. The uselessness seemed to be so tangible I could almost feel it. Everything was almost going in slow motion. Some did not even talk at all but just stood there almost seemingly thinking about nothing at all. Their eyes were glazed with fatigue and their eyes distant, but not the kind of distant you'd see on someone dreaming, no it was more of a close far away look. Like they had nothing else to do but stare till their eyes just lost the will to focus on anything at all. Not that there was anything at all to focus on except perhaps the other people there.
I'm sure the people would be despondent, except there was nothing to despair about, for they all knew no better. No one here had a past, they have no present, and they for certain had no future.

Salvation Intervened

Something old
decrepit with mold
Salvation intervened
now washed and cleaned
something white
radiating light
once being lost
brings the cost
of a death for one
my Savior has come.

My First Breath.

I want to be
a new person.
But how can I
without a ransom?
This old man
shadows me.
Can I ever
be set free?

He grabs at my ankles
to make me stumble
he covers my eyes
in the dark I fumble.
The only way
for night to be done
is to bring the light
from His kingdom come.

This old man
is to finally rest
only on the day
I have confessed.
On that last day
he'll be fully put to death
and it will be that day
I'll breath my first breath.

Wanderings

Ok, so I'm pretty sure no one reads my blog anymore.. but its still fun to sometimes write on :P.
At the cottage everyone was swimming, and I was very much waterlogged.. so I just wandered along the path in the sun.. heehee.. the sun got to me I think..
I forgot pretty much the whole thing.. but kinda remember one of the verses I thought up (man, I wish I remembered more... It was quite amusing at the time.)

I wander along this path aimlessly
the stones make it none too painlessly
my thoughts evade
in one long tirade
and yet I walk along endlessly

Sunset

The last light on the horizon
burnt orange display from the sun
dark blue clouds separate the colors
light blue echoing the wonders.
This scene made by the One

The lake is smooth, like glass
the activity done as the light fades fast
trees silhouetted black against the sky
the lake mirroring from up high
the light gone, we're in darkness cast.

Clear cool air bringing peace with night
all is calm, no need for fright
a settling peace comes over me
I feel like I'm set free
and still guarded by God's might.

"If we hit a deer with the car, we'd be fine...
"If we hit a moose... depending on what speed, we're more than likely goners!" Jeff
"What if a bear climbed up into the flimsy tree's and then jumped on the car?!" Marissa
"... we'd be destined to die...." Jeff.

Familiarity

Contemplation.
Each one unique.
Beauty,
in a familiar way.
Can it become more beautiful
in less a familiarity?
Confusion.
As the light within changes.
Will it grow stronger
or is risking its light
is what will dim it
forever.
Concentration.
Only one chance
and if it fails,
the unique beauty
shatters.
All familiarity lost.

Wild Olive Tee's

Hey all you girls out there. I saw this site posted on a friends blog, and decided to check it out. You should too! They have some really cool tee's that glorify God! Don't you hate it when you're shopping for tee's in walmart or something and you come across tee shirts that have very inappropriate things printed on them? Yeah... I hate that too.
I'm for sure going to get one of the tee's! (all I have to decide is which one.. they're all really cool!)
Just click the picture to get to the site. :D

Summer

The days are now longer, the sun is brighter, the air is warmer, the plants are greener, and the birds are singing.
Its definitely starting to feel like summer! Those long days in the warm sun... some of them spent inside the library working, or doing various tasks that seem to pull me away from the outdoors, but alot of those days are spent outside enjoying the warmth! Give me a beach or a pool, a blanket and a good book, maybe some lemonade, and I'll stay out there alll day. :-)
Just thinking about summer is nice... well, mostly thinking about our yearly summer vacations! Now that is the epitome of summer relaxation. There's no work to be done. Your main goal there is to swim, be lazy, read books, relax in front of a campfire, hang out with friends... and the list goes on :-)
Only ten more days till we leave for the cottage!! :-D

hypocrites prayer

"Thy will be done
on earth as well as heaven"

Each day I pray this
before my meal at night
but I still want my own will
and for that I'll fight.
I pick my own job
because the Sundays pay well.
It started out good,
but then that job fell.
I chose also to date
someone that God didn't choose
and in that scenario
I really did lose.
I was looking for homes
and I found one that was nice
it wasn't near a church though
and I moved against my parents advice.
It was soon after I noticed
how things were always so wrong
It confused me sings I've been
doing Your will for so long.


Hey, this is my sad attempt at doing poetry while being bored tonight. I'm actually really tired... too many late nights in a row.
This poem doesn't really flow at all, but you can kinda get what I'm trying to say... I hope. lol

Beauty.

Struggling
and falling
inside.
The mirror taunts
with insecurities
The magazines
they mock,
showing the world
what they should be.
The scale,
always haunts.
I see a dark world
where beauty matters
and if you're not beautiful
you're not worth something.

I look away
from the sinfulness
and decide for once
that it doesn't matter.
Deep inside
they're not happy.
No reason to live.
But I have hope
and in Christ,
I'm beautiful.

...

Cold winds around me
grey clouds swirling,
tree's billow round
that set their leaves twirling.
The first drop on my arm
making a cold proclamation
many follow after
my clothes in wet saturation.
The cold seeps in slowly
and the rain runs off my face
I hurry my steps onward
to get out of this place

Looking to Jesus.

Slowly crawling by
looking all around
seeing the color pass
the world spinning round.
Their lives are shades of black and white
their voices hold no tune
their eyes shine with no glimmer
and to joy, they are immune.
Screeching piercing cries ring
are heard by one and all
they don't know what to stand for
so to anything, they will fall.
They hold stone and wood
which is also black and white
and even when no response comes
they worship with spite.

Colors walk on past the grey
but do they stop to listen?
To the echo's of the hurt and pain
and see the eyes that glisten.

Hands that come to pick them up
are rejected with a hate
and still the echo's resound
of their everlasting fate.

Other grey come alive
as they reply the song
and with the other colored ones
they walk in joy along.



It means something, you have to tell
sometimes in a whisper, others a yell
Its all one big mystery to those who can't see the picture
We can only see the colors beneath, in a tangle and mixture.
You're being used, to pass it on to the grey
to become color, we always hope and pray.

Our Father

First off, sorry that I haven't posted much in a while... I got some comments that my blog has been lacking. Hopefully that'll change and I'll be posting more in the next little while.

This past weekend at AOC was amazing! I made tons of new friends (who I'll always remember!) I was able to see a whole bunch of my friends from before, we had an amazing time with the songs that were picked out, the discussions and our groups were great! (Amazing leaders! Justine and Graham! :-D)
For the last discussion, we were asked to write on a piece of paper, our version of the Lord's prayer. Here is mine.

Our Father,
who watches over us,
holy be Your name.
May Your kingdom come
and only You have the fame.
May what you want
play out in my life
being thankful in good times
and humble with strife.
Give us what we need,
to get through each day.
Please help us to forgive others
and even for them pray
When temptations come
help us not fall.
But we know You'll be here
and with us through it all.
You reign over the universe
may all the glory be for You.
In every single thing we say
and in all that we do.

♥

There is a friend of mine
that I love tons for sure
because sometimes when I'm down
she has the perfect cure.
I can tell her lots of things
and I know she'll be here
to make me feel better
and to dispel my fear.
Sometimes laughter's a medicine
but serious talk is too
if you ask me what kind of friend she is
I'll tell you "this one's true."

Set Apart Girl

Check out this site girls! Great site!

http://setapartgirl.com/home.html

Dreams

Based on a true story. lol ;-)

I lay on my bed
and my thoughts grow,
from something small
to something more.
I drift off to sleep
with a smile on my face,
because I'm returning
to that special place.

I'm on top of a hill
with wings by my side
a board under my feet
I begin to fly.
below my snowboard
the earth whizzes past
and I just want this moment
to forever last.
I fly off the jump
and the board is gone
I'm soaring with my wings
in the heavens alone.
But something brings me
back down again
a scream in the throat
I try to refrain.
Something large and monstrous
tries to catch me
as I try hard
to just stay free.
The light from the heavens
dim and go black,
I can hardly see where I'm running
with the monster at my back.
My feet grow heavy
its too hard to run
all i want now
is to be safely home.

One dream turns to another
and suddenly I'm alone
I turn to see
a house so forlorn.
I would go in
but I know its in my dreams
it could turn sour
nothings as it seems.

I wake with a start
my dreams now a haze
already drifting from memory
hardly a daze.

The Glass Doll

Today my insides feel almost as hollow as the useless and invisible glass doll that sits outside all on its lonesome. Its not dirty, or broken, but it just doesn't get noticed.
Since its not yet spring really, its still cold. Well, it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't so windy, or if she had a jacket on, but it is windy, and she has no jacket. She just has to wait till someone will find her from this temporary place she's sitting and takes her somewhere warmer.
Fragile and empty she watches as people mill about her, not really noticing. Some people look at her from the corner of their eye, but go away almost before they even came.
It kind of reminds her of the people that left her there. She wasn't quite sure what had happened. One moment she was with all the other glass dolls, all lined up and on display on the shelf in the warm house, and the next moment she was alone and cold.
Finally, someone noticed her, it was a young girl. She had many dolls in her hand, which made her jealous almost. But the girl was paying attention to her. She played with the doll for a bit, then she could tell the little girl grew tired of her. The girl swung her dangerously along heedless and careless to the poor glass dolls fragility.
A park garbage was all the doll saw before she was swung into darkness. She could feel herself breaking a little as the drop hurt the glass doll terribly.
It wasn't long though, till another girl came by the garbage can, she took the doll out and looked at her with soft kind eyes. She had noticed a couple cracks. The glass on the doll had not fully broken, but it would take alot to heal her fully to the former state of the white smoothness she had.
Almost like magic she took out some glue, and started gluing the cracks together. But before she had even finished she turned her back and ran.
If the doll had felt invisible before, it was tenfold now. If she had felt useless before, the poor doll was more so now.
None looked at the doll now, except the occasional person who only looked at her sad state with pity.
The glass doll wondered if she was not good enough to be noticed, or if she was in some way useless, so much so that none wanted her.
I'm pretty sure she would cry, but being only a doll, her insides were hollow. She felt nothing at all except the cold hollow ache inside.

Perseverance.

Random verse and rhymes me and Alyssa wrote together on msn. We speak in rhymes alot now.. its great fun. Sometimes we'll just start writing something that is actually going somewhere.. We did this a couple nights ago, and then I copied it from our chat history and edited it. Now its here on my blog.. :-)


Brit:
Getting through it all, keep looking ahead
to the one who holds your hand, and through these trials led.

He's there beside you, the whole journey through.
So you can keep onwards, and be always true.

Alys:
Beside you He will always stay,
and for you He'll pave the way.

He'll test you no more than you can bear,
and will see you through, He'll always be there.

Alys:
God knows all,
everything big and small,
He has an ultimate plan,
Brit: with every single man.

Brit:
So keep forever onwards,
with confidence in our Lord
that He will give us strength
to ever move us forward.

He knows what will happen
and that's a comfort to me,
that I can plunge onward
and its His plan to set me free.

Alys:
Persevere till the end and pray
He's with you, and in you all the way.
And though times seem dark and black
His love is there for us and there's nothing we lack.

Brit:
Each and every day, you can talk to Him in prayer,
He'll be merciful and just, but not always fair.

But its to our favor,
for we need a Savior.
To redeem us to life
and end all our strife.

We don't deserve whats given.
And how we've been forgiven.
So strive on, for He will hold you
and through it all He'll bring you through.

God sometimes lets us fall, so that we can have the perseverance
to get up and try again, for we know that He is near us

Opa

Hold him in your arms
and show him you care.
Surround him with peace
and let him know You're there.

Give him comfort
in his last days here.
Lord, keep him close to you
please keep him near.

Praying ever more for my Opa. <3

Peace..

The righteous perish, and no one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.
Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.

Isaiah 57:1,2.

just me again. silly me...

How come I can't write good enough to satisfy my mind?
I search through my brains and nothing I find
is worth talking about or letting anyone know
I wish I could get my brain to work and go.
My poetry makes no sense to anyone but me
How is that supposed to set my writing free?
I can't think up anything worthwhile to write
Nothing I think of comes out contrite.

I wish there was some way that I could improve
something to do to me, something to move
I need some inspiration, but I just can't grasp
anything worthwhile anything to clasp
I need something to hold onto but no matter how hard I try
I can't seem to reach it. It makes me want to cry.

I feel sometimes down, and confusing thoughts fill my head.
It comes with me where'er I go, till I lay down in bed
even then it still haunts me as minutes turn to more
my head is so filled, there's no more room to store.
Dispel all my fears and put my anxieties to rest
and maybe my poetry, will turn out to be the best
I wish I was special, I wish people noticed me
I wish I were visible, then it'd be me they'd see.

beauty in the small things

There's beauty in the simple things
the things we walk on past
we never take the time
and make each moment last

We just run out of the rain
instead of watching it glitter
as it dances to the music
of its tune pitter patter.

We don't listen to the birds
high in their place
their beautiful chatter
brings joy to my face

An intake of breath
in the fresh outdoor air
from being inside to outdoors
in weather so fair

To hear the laughter
and to see her face shine
as she looks upon him
being in love divine

seeing the simple shoots
of green sprouting from the ground
and the triumphant breakthrough
during spring all around

Have you ever stopped to wonder
why the sky is so blue?
Its so beautiful and vast
but acknowledged by few

Beauty in simple trust
of a child not many years
that can make him feel better
and dispel all his fears

A small flower peeking
through a bed of thorns an weeds
there's beauty everywhere
and shows us our needs

we need to see the beauty
so that we can glorify more
the one who has made them
and what He's made them for

trust

A small hand reaching,
for what he knows is there
a mothers hand to respond
not just thin air.

Closing your eyes
and to be led
with only your guide
to watch where you tread

I only have a small amount of time to post these days... But just some random things that I have been writing (once again) off the top of my head in my spare time.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Plastic Faces.

For the sake of a post, since none have been published in a while...

Plastic faces
fancy graces
its all an act.
Pretend life
without strife
nothings fact.

So you paint your appearance
colors, with no coherence.
Bright colors to conceal
what doesn't appeal.
Your face doesn't shine
but you think its fine
all you need to do is cover
and the ugliness is over
but someday that mask will be taken
and for beauty you will not be mistaken.
Your true colors will show
all your sins He shall know.
You need Him to clean you,
to teach you what is true.

The death of Common Sense

An Obituary printed in the London Times...

Interesting and sadly true.

'Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 -year -old boy charged with ****** harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust,
his wife, Discretion his daughter, Responsibility his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.'

If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing

Mismatching...

Mismatching.
Creative writing.
Pieces that don't belong,
Somehow don't seem wrong.
Flowing with unfamiliar graces.
In my heart preserve special places.

The strange beauty,
Creates serenity.
Like memories hidden
that come up forbidden.
Taking small pleasure
to a certain measure.
Colors mixed
strangely fixed.
Like music combined
that shouldn't sound kind
but it has a sound
which I have found
makes me feel peace
without cease.

Wide open spaces
beauty with graces
The feeling of being alive
to jump for joy, to thrive.
Crystal clear nights
staring into the heights.
The stars shining in vast wonder
always making me ponder.
The hush doesn't last long
when you hear the nature throng.
Small noises everywhere
symphonies made with care.

When I look at the stars....

When I think about myself
and how my life turns out,
I wonder what I'm doing
and I just want to shout.
but then I stop and think
and turn myself around,
I think about how my life isn't my own
and that my blessings abound.

Then I look to the heavens
and see the vastness of it all,
I see the stars in their beauty
and I suddenly feel so small.
I think of their creator
and how I'm in His hand,
I'm in a foreign country
ever going towards His land.

Everything around me is strange
but its been bought as normal,
Things that shouldn't be
are everyday and formal.
Everyone strives for the American dream
working only for their self,
They put the needs of others
neatly on the shelf.

The problems not taking the time
to look around you,
to see something other than yourself
and who you belong to.
You're in a foreign country
not your homeland
we're ever journeying forward
to before Jesus stand.

Then I look to the heavens
and see the vastness of it all,
I see the stars in their beauty
and I suddenly feel so small.
I think of their creator
and how I'm in His hand,
I'm in a foreign country
ever going towards His land.

Random Post

I haven't exactly written much this past little while... ok, for the past longish while. Last two conferences I went to... honestly, the best ever! I loved this past weekends at Woodstock, hearing Pastor Bylsma speak on gaining the attitude of Job was amazing! He's an awesome speaker! The weekend before that, hearing about Fighting Spiritual Depression by Rev Bouwers was really encouraging. Its not a topic that gets adressed too much. And as always, it was awesome seeing friends again, and even making new friends!

Random Quotes;
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life!... unless I buy something."
"A wise man once told me 'I don't know, go ask a girl!'"

Friends

I would write a poem or something on friends... BUT, I'll save that for later. The conference was really great at Immanuel today and last night. I liked the speeches on depression. All of it is true!
One of the best antidotes for depression that God gives us are friends. Not friends that will say what you want to hear, but they'll say what you need to hear. They're there for you when you're confused, they're there to make you smile. Some of my friends are wise. (Honestly!) I can ask them any question, and you know you'll get an answer you'd probably not think of, AND it will make sense! They're the kind of people I want to always brighten their day. Even if I can't brighten my own. I can be honest with them, I can be myself and not try to act like someone else. Its too hard to try to conform to someone elses opinion and their tastes. I sometimes feel sorry for all those other girls and guys who don't know my friends. Poor people, they don't know what they're missing out on!
I thank God in prayer daily for the blessings he has given me. God is good. :-)

Apple's

I once went out to a mackintosh orchard, the owner said we an apple if we wished to. It was still early in the season, and hardly any looked ripe enough to eat. The orchard was overrun with weeds and insects, making this quest of finding a good apple even harder! Some had been picked too early, and instead of still becoming ripe and beautiful, they went from being sour, to being rotten. As much as I looked, I couldn't find a single ripe one, most of them were hidden from the sunlight in the dark, and not growing as much as they should. But then, something caught my eye as I looked up, there was the biggest, shiniest, ripest apple I could ever hope for! It was well out of reach, but I wasn't afraid to work hard and climb up to get it.
I climbed, higher and higher, over branches that weren't very sturdy. I fought my way to the branch, and gently plucked the bright apple. I brought it back down to the safety of the sturdy, hard ground. What came next was satisfying and delicious. It was the best apple I had ever tasted! I was glad I didn't settle for a half-ripe one, but kept on searching till I found the perfect one. Mmmm...

Piano

Smooth notes
drifting around.
Ringing from the piano,
a melodious sound
Soothing lullabies,
whispering pleasant tunes in my ears.
Gently washing over me,
subsiding my fears.
My heart tugs
towards the tune.
Simple beautiful melodies
making me swoon.
As I listen to the music
I see images in my mind.
Heavenly beauty,
on this earth I'll never find.
But I'm sure in heaven,
the angels will play
sweet piano songs to glorify
our Savior all day.

Boarding

A rush of adrenaline hits you
as you rush down the hill.
Speed quickly gaining
faster and faster.
You lose yourself in the feeling
of being alive.
The wind hits your face
the cold seeps in
but you don't feel it
all you can feel is the pull of gravity
bringing you ever downwards.
A jump looms closer and closer,
you steer your board towards it.
Your courage almost fails you
watching yourself come to it.
You've never felt it before
as you launch into the air.
And for only a second
you feel free.
Those dreams of flying high in the sky
become real.
As your board makes contact once again
with the pure white snow
your heart stays up
high in the clouds.
You stop at the bottom of the hill
and you're itching to go back up
and repeat it all again.

I know I've written alot about snow and boarding... but I couldn't resist to write another one after my last time boarding. It was alot of fun! I'm glad I went off of the jumps... even if it was only a couple times. I landed two, barely made another one, and fell when going off two.
Sorry if my verse isn't the greatest... but I needed to get it out before I could concentrate on my science. lol. Hope you enjoy it, even if its not too well written.

You know you're dutch when...

I saw this the other day when my cousin put it in his notes on facebook... I laughed alot because so much of it is true!! (Go stroop wafles and dutch mints!!) lol

You Know You're Dutch When.....

The temperature is so low in your house that 2 sweaters is a bare minimum if you want to be remotely warm.

During the winter it's warmer outside than it is inside.

You open the freezer and are excited to find a container of ice- cream,only to open it and discover it's full of homemade soup or stamppot..

When looking in the fridge, you never trust that the yogurt or margarine containers contain what the label says.

You were green before it was popular. Why recycle when you can just reuse!

You have a pair a wooden shoes in your house.

Your china cabinet is filled with Delft.

You like pickled herring.

You've eaten oliebollen at New Years.

You enjoy chocolate sprinkle (hagelslag) sandwiches.

You have cousins who wear size 14 shoes and are over 6'4"

You wash and reuse plastic cups and plastic cutlery.

You have soup and open-faced sandwiches for Sunday lunch.

The most frequent phrase uttered growing up was "Turn off the lights!"

You get a chocolate letter every year for Christmas.

All the tables in your house are covered in tablecloths.

You like krokets.

You know that Vla is better than regular old pudding.

You drink tea with breakfast, coffee at 10 am, tea at 3 pm, and coffee again at 8 pm (with cookies or biscuits of course!)

You have an afghan knitted by your Oma.

You collect coupons like they're going out of style.

Your Oma had a calendar with everyone's birthdays & anniversaries spelled out in capital letters (bonus points if it hung in the bathroom!)

You've been known to recycle aluminum foil. And ziploc bags.

You own a special utensil that is only used for cutting cheese.

You know that Gouda is the best cheese ever.

You have at least 5 relatives with the same name (and somehow you always know which one is being talked about).

You reuse teabags.

When you hear all the "new ways to save energy" you yawn and say "I've been doing that all my life!"

You eat your sandwiches open-faced. "What?

You want another slice of bread? I'll make you another sandwich."

You rarely have both meat and cheese on the same sandwich.

You have never met half the relatives at your family reunion

You have 100 roles of toilet paper in your house because they were on sale.

You put a little water into the jar of tomato sauce and shake it to make sure you got it all out.

You have trouble shopping for hats. There should be at least two sizes: 'one size fits all' and 'dutch'.

You wipe the last of the butter out of the container with your bun.

All your cookies taste like almonds.

You make the bed in your hotel room.

You have lace on your windows but not on your underwear.

You like dubbel zout drops, and have occasionally tricked a friend into trying one.

You've put mayonnaise on your french fries.

Your kitchen is filled with milk bags drying, waiting to be reused in the freezer.

You drink Heineken out of pride.

You have a front room but nobody sits in it (or it's only used for special occasions).

You have a spoon collection.

Your favourite mustard comes in jars that can be reused as drinking glasses.

You leave a window open year round to get fresh air.

You eat stroop waffles.

You love the colour orange.

You have a vegetable garden because there's no way you're paying that much for veggies at the grocery store.

Your fridge is always stocked with leftovers. Throw out food? Never!

You go to the "Dutch Store" because the smell brings back so many childhood memories.

You have pictures of windmills around your house.

Everything is Do-It-Yourself - it's cheaper than hiring someone.

You use "washandjes" (facecloths that you can put your hand into).

You have to explain what 'om' and 'tante' means when you're discussing your relatives with non-Dutch people.

You own tea towels and oven mitts patterned with windmills and dancing women in clogs.

You call it "MELK" not "milk".

All your cousins have the same names as your brothers and sisters,because everyone is named after Oma and Opa.


And finally, you know you're Dutch when..


You're laughing along with this list because you can relate to most it

Winter Beach

Water spraying
from the violent waves
crashing against rocks.
The mist is freezing
bone chilling
and the wind seems to go through me.
I shiver uncontrollably
I huddle inside my jacket closely.
And still,
the wind blows on
the mist still covers me.
A thin layer of ice encompasses me,
and I'm cold.
Like I've never been before.

I love going to the beach in the winter... even if it is a tad bit cold. :-)

Psalm 117:

Praise the LORD, all you nations;
extol him, all you peoples.
For great is His love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the LORD
endures forever.
Praise the LORD.

This was the text for our New Years eve meditation for our church service. I love this psalm.. :-)

Ecclesiastes 3:

There is a time for everything,
and a season for ever activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of me; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That every man may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil- this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so men will revere Him.
Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.
And I saw something else under the sun:
In the place of judgment-wickedness was there,
in the place of justice -wickedness was there.
I thought in my heart,
"God will bring to judgment
both the righteous and the wicked,
for there will be a time for every activity
a time for every deed."
I also thought, "As for men, God tests them so that they may see that they are like the animals Man's fate is like that of the animals; the same fate awaits them both: As one dies, so dies the other. All have the same breath man has no advantage over the animal. Everything is meaningless. All go to the same place; all come from dust, and to dust return. Who knows if the spirit of man rises upward and if the spirit of the animal goes down into the earth?"
So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him?

It was a good sermon for both these texts... (this last one was new years day service's text..)

Reflections on 'o8

New years eve is approaching fast... it really seems as though this past year went by much too quickly. Last year's new years eve party doesn't seem too far away... before I knew it, it was spring. Finishing up school, working the busy season at the greenhouse... Spring then whizzed on to summer. Summer was great. At the beginning early June we went to the cottage with Lemstra's. Thats always great fun! (except when Derek scared me so bad I honestly thought I was going to die -even if it was only for a split second- I thought he was a bear (it was dark... dont blame me :-P) I worked two days a week at the greenhouse, and two days at the Library a week. There were some really good times at the greenhouse... working with Marissa and Kelsey was actually pretty fun. Unless of course there were those days that never seemed to end. The songs that played on the radio were usually ones that we were sick of.. then there was that time when that song played when we were all tired and the clock wasn't moving (honestly... time was standing still!) The lyrics were "Time goes by... so slowly" and then it repeated itself over and over again. On one of the hottest days too, they had to torture us with playing a Christmas song. Then the bell rang for break and we all ran to the lake and had enough time for a dip before break was over. (The lake was awesome! We always jumped in on the hot days...)
The end of summer came way too fast. But, I was happy when it was nearing its end because thats when Tamarack was! I had so much fun there this past year! The speakers were awesome, I loved the discussions (in the cabins, after the seminars) It was great meeting all new people! I took home so many new friends. I loved volleyball! What can I say? Its an awesome sport! Oh, and soccer... and I liked hockey too. Basketball though?? I'm not saying its because we lost... but its not the greatest sport :-P. Ok, maybe I am saying that because we lost.. but still, it taught us "humbleness" lol.
The Sunday right after tamarack was the 31'st of August... does that day mean anything to you? Well, that was the day I turned 16! (and no, I still haven't gone for my beginner's yet... ) Fall came, and with it school, evening library shifts, jujitsu, skating, guitar lessons, kingdom seekers (of which I'm a jr councilor), and also hymnsings... (of which I miss alot!!)
Fall turned into Winter... not really so fast seeing as we didn't get snow. We didn't get anything that stayed before last week's storm really. Soon enough though, without the snow, the Christmas music began, the shopping started, and the fancy dinners came. I was now allowed to sing my favorite Christmas songs without being out of season (YAY!) And since my guitar teacher taught me a whole bunch of Christmas songs I was able to play along with them! :-)

This past year I've changed alot. I find that I've grown spiritually alot more, I've made new friends, found out who really matters, done things I've never tried before, and heard many things that have changed me (in ways of seminar's and great things from speakers.) I've started guitar, which is one of the things I'd never tried before. I find that I really like it! Another thing that I tried and found out I liked was writing free verse and poetry which I hope you all like as much as I like writing it! :-)

I'm really looking forward to 2009 and all the new things that will be happening for me then! Lord willing in 2009 I'll be taking my profession of faith before the congregation of Trinity ORC, I'll be starting grade 12 (my last year of school!) I'll turn 17. Hopefully I'll become better at guitar and my writing. I'm looking forward to everything that God has in His plans for me.

So what is your highlights of 2008? How has God been good to you this past year? And what are you looking forward to in the coming year? :-)

The Unknown Future....

Staring at my reflection
I wonder
who am I?
What am I meant to do?
Where am I going?
Those eyes stare back at me
through the mirror.
That face which is my own
is searching for something.
Was I meant for more?
How can I live an average life
when I feel like I was meant
meant for something more
for something bigger.
Who am I?
I want to live and die
for bigger things.
I want to live for more than just me.
Where am I going?
Which path is the one for me?
How am I to travel on it?
Who will be there for me,
and who won't?
Am I to go alone,
is my path a lonely one?
There's so many ways.
I need help knowing
which way was chosen for me.
Those blue eyes looking back at me.
That young face which is my own.
The life I am to lead
is not for me,
but for God alone.


I hope you like my short free verse that was from the top of my head... Its always a mystery to us what God's plan for us is. Sometimes it can be really confusing as to what we will do, who we will be, and what life we'll lead in the future. At least I have the comfort of knowing that everything is in God's hands, and that he has a plan for me. :-)

For those that have tried to post comments before, but couldn't, I figured out that I had to change a setting so that anonymous people can comment. So now if you haven't fed my blog some comment love before, feel free to do so now. :-)
I wish I was able to post more... but sometimes its hard to have passable things from the top of my head daily.

Merry Christmas!

Angel/Guitar

So, I decided that I'm not going to post daily. Partly because its hard to keep up... but mostly because its hard to write something good that often. And as you can see, some of my earlier posts were definitely only posted because of lack of time and better work. Its somewhat hard to be inspired with anything other than the snow, the coldness, and Christmas at this time of year. And I don't want to have like a bajillion posts on those three things.

I thought I'd try to take a few photo's with my brother's camera... since I don't have many pictures on my blog I'll post one or two of them...

So thats my attempt at photography... I'm sure I got most of it wrong, but... I kinda like them. I don't think I'd ever go anywhere with photography, so it doesn't really matter ;-)

Snowed In

So the snow has been piling up... and blowing around... and its days like today and yesterday that you don't want to be out and about driving anywhere! Which also meant that no one could make it to this area, and the christmas program I had been looking forward to had been canceled. Christmas time there are so many plans, and so many times that they're canceled. It just goes to show us that it doesn't matter how much we plan and get ready for something, God is in control.
I did still have a good day though, being hunkered down in the house baking, reading, watching Christmas movies and doing a 1000 piece puzzle with my dad.

Swirling snow
whistling winds
all around the house.
Roads impossible
to drive in.
Driveways deepen
making work for those bundled inside
The winds beat on
the snow still falls
and inside, I'm warm and cozy.

Butter, sugar
flour, eggs.
Chocolate chips...
yum, maybe just one
or two.
Stirring
mixing into cookie batter.
Oven heating
cookies baking.
Sweet smells of cookies
when they're done.
And yet... I'm too full
from the batter
to eat any.
Until later.

Curling up
under blankets.
Cozy warmth
as I'm reading.
Flipping through the pages
silently.
Stillness around me
quiet serenity.
The wind can be heard
only dully
in the background.

I felt bad because I haven't posted since Wednesday... so I wrote three... although they're all in the same context of being snowed in. Hope you like them... they're all off the top of my head which I think is the only way to write them. lol. Anyways, I'm off to get ready for the Bakker Christmas dinner with all my cousins and relatives. :-)

The fool says in his heart "There is no God."

All I can say is that a man who in his heart denies God, and yet can see before him God's creation.. that man is truly a fool like the bible says.

Spring

Ok, so I realized I didn't even mention the t-shirt run in my boarding post! Well... it was cold. And if you're a beginner boarder like me, it also involves falling into the cold wet snow, and being painfully slow going down the slopes. So, if you want to know how cold it was, scroll down to friday's post that's titled "Cold". lol, and maybe change it from night, to day, from bare hands poking out of a warm coat to bare arms in only a t-shirt.
To change it up a bit, I want to write something a little bit warmer... lets fast forward to spring for a little while...

Slightly chilly breezes,
warm rays from the sun
on my skin
making me feel alive.
The freshness of the earth
is invigorating.
Small green shoots
poking out of the soggy soil
making their attempts to reach the sun
the warmth
the energy.
The heavens are blue,
the birds are singing
my heart feels joy
to be alive.
I see God's hand
in everything alive
in everything beautiful.
I see the mighty works
of His goodness
and I sing for the joy
that He gives me
in my heart.

Music - By Chandler Violette

This is an awesome verse that one of my friends wrote. I love it alot! (Thanks Chan for letting me post this!)

Drifting out of apartment windows,
Filling the air with its sweet melody.
Flowing from instruments,
Spilling from voices,
Stopping the thoughts that torment.
The mind -
Suddenly at ease,
Muscles relaxing,
Just listening to the beat of drums,
The chords the guitar strums,
Echoing the voices,
Singing the words you don’t dare speak,
Not out loud.
Not to anyone.
So much feeling resounds,
From each and every song,
Blaring from earphones,
Blasting through speakers,
Conveying emotion unspoken,
Love,
Anger,
Heartbreak,
Each it’s own,
Showing others they aren’t alone,
Connecting with the music,
Hitting the repeat button,
Over,
And over,
Just to here it once more,
This gift from God:
Music.

Downhill... Boarding

I'm gonna start off by saying that yesturday was AWESOME! I had alot of fun :-). At the beginning of the day I reeeally sucked... but then, something clicked, and then I had alot more fun because I got it. Ok, I fell alot, but not as much, and I had a bunch of straight runs without falling. Ok, I'm not sure where to start this... but I'll just start typing and see where it ends up.

I was at the top of the snow covered hill, below me where scattered skiers and boardings making their way down, some more slowly than others. I let myself start down the hill, slowly at first, but then I started to gain some speed... if you could call it that. The cold wind blew all around me as I fought for control of the board. A few wisps of my hair escaped the confines of my loose ponytail and blew into my face. Just when I thought I had control of the board, I unexpectedly fell. My head banged the ground hard, and my board spun around taking my body with it. Only feeling a bit sore, I got right back up on my board and tried to make my way to the bottom of the hill again.
I fell a few more times before I finally made it to the lift. I was really excited to see one of my best friends there.
I tried again, on a different hill and made it down most of the way, then I saw my brother on the ground a little ways ahead of me. For a little while I wasn't concentrating on what I was doing, and the edge of my board had caught on the snow. I flew forward, my arms extended, I slid on my stomach for a few seconds before I finally stopped. I looked over to my brother to see him laughing at me and heard him say something along the lines of "superman flip out". I rolled over onto my back and sat up. Snow found its way to the back of my neck and was slowly melting down my back. I cringed as it dripped leaving me chilled.
Soon enough I was back at the top of the hill. So far I loved boarding... but it hadn't quite clicked yet. There she was, my friend beside me showing me something on her board, I tried to do what she did, but ended up face planting instead. I got up, and went down the hill for a bit and tried it again... still, it didn't quite click. After a few more runs, and my friend teaching me and giving me help, I did it! Finally, but then, my joy was cut short as I fell forward. Once again, it didn't hurt enough for me to stop, so I got back on my board, and tried again.
After that, it was almost like something clicked. I went down various other hills with some friends and practiced, and I actually didn't fall about half of those runs!
It was getting close to the closing time, and only one hill was open, I tried to get on that hill as many times as possible before we were unable to anymore.
The crisp fresh air felt good in my lungs and the board felt almost comfortable. I had a small amount of speed (and yet probably the most I had that day) and the wind in my face felt good. I fell down once that run, but I was back up almost before I even fell.
I had loved that day, but, at the end of the day I was tired, sore, and ready for it to be over... almost.

A Big Brother's Love

A brothers love
is big bear hugs,
a protective arm
on my shoulder
a constant shelter
in tough times.
And older brother
is strong,
for you.
He is worthy of trust,
of love.
Big brother watching
like my conscience
but bigger.
I love to be around him,
I want to show him
that I trust him
and love him.
My big brother.


Ok, so I promised to post something every day... and since its past ten, and I had nothing, I went to my notebook and found this inside! So I'm glad I have something to post(even if its somewhat poorly written... as in I don't feel like I said everything that needed to be said about big brother's and I don't feel it was written well enough. Lets hope Jeff doesn't read it, lol.)
I'm SO excited about tomorrow!
And thats all I'm going to say for now... g'night, and you'll hear from me tomorrow! :-)

Unboxed

So I'm trying to publish one post a day... lets hope I can actually do that... I'll try to brainstorm enough.
I'm trying out different templates... I kinda thought the other one was somewhat boring. This one's kind of cool. Lets see how long this one stays until I decide I want a new one, lol.
I'm SO excited for Monday :-). Snowboarding is going to be awesome! (Or at least I hope... lol) I'm pretty sure I'll like it! I know I'll be falling almost the whole time... but maybe towards the end of the day I'll be able to stay up for a bit. Like I promised earlier when I wrote a small bit on skiing, I'm going to write something about boarding. Maybe I'll have the energy to write it on the way home monday and then post it that same day (or the next day).
Hm... so I'm not totally sure what to write about, so I'm going to write one on not being boxed in. Its my current title for my blog. (Who knows, I might change it sometime...) It might not be the greatest since like most of my other posts its off the top off my head. Anyways... so I'll try to do my best, hope you like it!

Thoughts
ideas
views
can't be hidden inside
if its something to fight for.
How can you feel passionate about something
then hide it?
How can you box it in
if its important?
If you have the Good News
how can you not tell others?
How can you not act
like you have it
in your heart?
Be open.
Don't box it in.
Unboxed.

Heaven

I was just trying to write a verse on heaven, and all God's angel's and hosts in them. For once not much came to mind... I honestly can hardly imagine it. I read through revelations and what is described in there is mind boggling. The most common view of heaven is that its going to be all pure angels singing in one big white choir with gold instruments and heavenly melodies. It might not all be white, but the bible tells us how we will be praising Christ for an eternity. Wow... imagine what it will be like? The Christmas story of when God's heavenly hosts come to the shepherds... imagine how great and terrible they seemed. God's hosts, saying in all loud voices "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace on men to whom His favor rests"
I love the song "By the Sea of Crystal". Whenever we sing it at church, I always think of heaven, and all the angels and saints in heaven.
Its going to take alot of thought and work to write a passable verse on heaven. Maybe one day I'll be able to write something. But I don't think I'd ever be able to describe God's majesty and His kingdom on paper...

Cold

Instant cold
tingling on my face
the bare skin on my hands
I can feel them start to numb
My breath comes out in small clouds
The night air seems so clear
I can sharpness of it
is almost tangible.
An icy grip
is grabbing at me
My bones start to become chilled
straight through me.
I look up to the heavens on this clear night
to see the moon bright and pale.
Even the moon looks cold.
This cold winter's night
is so beautiful.
But devastatingly so.

The true meaning of Christmas
isn't in fireside stories,
gifts received and given
of a jolly man from the north pole
giving gifts to those who are good
and none to those who aren't
Christmas isn't parties of fancy dinners
of turkey and chocolate desserts
seeing friends is sure a plus,
but is that the meaning?

Isn't Christmas about Christ?
Being born in the stable of an inn,
when no doors were open for Him.
Christmas is about the shepherds who came
and bowed down with awe
Its about the One the wise men gave the gifts to
gold, frankincense, myrrh.
Christmas is for the one who the angels glorified.
The heavenly host of God saying
"Glory to God in the highest
and on earth peace to men on whom His favor rests."

The true amazing love
of being in the humbled state of man.
Jesus is the meaning of Christmas.

I posted this for lack of anything else to post, and because I feel bad that I haven't posted anything in a while. Its just a little something I typed up on the computer just now. I hope I wrote it well enough. I kinda like it.

Colossians 3:12-17

Therefor, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thats to God the Father through Him.

What is Love?

What is love?
An old man
and a young boy.
A smile lights the old mans face
the boys face is tilted upwards
adoration
trust
love.
A girl is standing there.
All alone
she's scared,
its dark all around her.
Her brother steps towards her
he puts his arm around her.
A brother and sister.
Love.
A mother and child.
Her face is serene and glowing
a newborn child lays in her arms
asleep and quiet.
She smiles at the small perfect fingers
the wonderfully formed face
every detail
brings joy to this mothers eyes.
A small child,
kneeling by her bedside.
Her hands are folded
her eyes are closed
her face tilted upwards.
She gives her unfailing childlike faith to Christ
She doesn't ask why,
she follows his lead
with her trust.
A man and his bride.
Standing face to face
hand in hand
saying I do.
Forever and always
I want you by my side.
Her face could light up the church
And his smile the world.
Is that true love?

There is no greater love
than the love Christ gave to us.
He sent his Son to die
to call us His own.
We are unworthy,
But Christ is full of mercy and love.
Love that surpasses all else.

Elephant masks

So, this is for a friend. :-) I'm making it up as I go... because I don't have much time and I promised this poem for her...

Of elephant masks
and counselor tasks.
I girl you alot
though some people do not.
Of honeydew melon
and strawberry n cranberry smellin
Cabin overnights
with jellybean fights
of hide and seek
and not sleeping for a week

I've been writing alot more free verse and poems lately... Some of them I've been posting here on my blog. But I'm starting to like writing them alot more. I wonder where all my writing will take me in the future. I thought for sure I would be writing stories, since I love them and all, but now I'm leaning towards verse.

I was just talking to someone. I asked for idea's for a verse, he said about how scary it would be to fall away from Jesus. I just wrote something not too long ago about a world without Christ. Maybe I'll be able to write something new with a somewhat similar theme.

I have joy.
My heart feels peace.
I rest my worries,
into Christ's care.
I might not be rich,
with money.
Or I might not have good health,
physically,
but I am rich
with grace
I have health
in my spirit
and Christ is there
for me.

Now take it away.
pretend I've fallen
If I'm not wealthy,
If I'm not healthy
I have nothing.
No reason to live,
yes scared.
Scared of death,
of the unknown
without the all knowing Jesus
my Savior.

Dreams

Its dark,
I cannot see.
There is no light
I turn and everything has changed.
Am I me?
Or a bystander?
I try to run
My feet feel like lead
closer and closer...
slower and heavier
I can not move
I can't escape.

I bolt up.
Cold sweat on my brow
It was only a dream,
so I close my eyes again...

Try to imagine
a world without our Lord
dark
desolate
empty.
How can they live?
What is the point in life if none in Christ?
They have their twisted little worlds
in their dark hopeless minds.
Have they no hope?
Without You-
none.
You're a light
in this world.
You bring meaning
in my life.
A life with You
a life of joy and peace.

Fairy Tales...

Enchanted frogs
golden maidens
fierce dragons
knights in shining armor
to rescue me
chivalry
secretive glades of pastures green
fairies dancing
flying
laughing
glittering
spiraling up
shooting stars

Snow

Downward drifting
gently sifting
pure white flakes
cold and crisp
soft and brisk
this snow makes;
glittering castles
wonderland tassels
ice and snow
forever falling
gently calling

I hope you like my first pitiful attempt at poetry and free verse. I don't think I'd be able to ever compare my best with heidi's worst (if she has any)

Downhill

Just to let you all know, this isn't about boarding, because... I've never been boarding before. BUT, it is about blading, which is super cool too. I'm sure I'll be able to write another one after my first time boarding... except probably alot slower, lol. Just to let you know, I haven't edited anything on it yet, because I'm basically really bored right now, so its another quickly write and post thing. Which is what this blog consists of... so if it sucks, then... its because I didn't get too much time to write it, and its late ;-)

The icy cold wind sent my hair streaming behind me. The sleek white snow beneath my snow blades sent me speeding down the steep hill. The exhilaration of the feeling made my heart beat faster. I slowed down for a moment and took in a deep breath of the fresh crisp air around me. The tree's all around me glittered in the sunlight as the snow and ice reflected off of their bare branches. I felt as though I was in a winter wonderland. A skier came down the trail behind me silently, and me after having slowed down, watched as he whizzed past. I smiled slowly and put my blades straight again and sped down the hill once more. My fingers were half frozen, my face almost numb, and I was sore from numerous falls, but none of that mattered when I felt the wind and sun in my face and the adrenaline in my veins.

Amnesia

There I was. I was staring at myself in the mirror... trying to recognize the reflection that stared back at me. Her midnight black hair shimmered in the short shoulder length that it fell to. My icy blue eyes searched for something, anything. I remembered nothing. My complexion was flawless and light. My dainty nose held no freckle or blemish, but only pale skin, like the rest of me. My slightly arching eyebrows suited my petite, mature face. If I had to guess at the age of the reflection before me, I might have guessed 17 or 18.
I propped myself up on the dingy sink and let my head drop from the questioningly gaze from my image in the mirror. One stray thought kept on coming into my head, over and over. Who am I?
I stood back up straight, and without looking back to the cracked mirror, I turned around and sat in the corner of the small bathroom. I hugged my knee's to my chest and sat there, staring. The off-white tiles in my line of vision had smudges of dirt and residue on them, the corners between the poorly tiled walls and the linoleum flooring had dust, dirt, and who knows what else in them.
I had no idea why I was here, what I was doing, and most importantly, who I was.

Please excuse this. It had to come out... bad thing for me (and those who read it) That its coming out at the end of day... past the time I usually go to bed... when I write my worst. Maybe one day I'll edit it. But for now, this is what you get ;-)
I'm off to sleep, and my dreams. G'night!